Tip Number One - Go Deeper
It’s so easy to become hyper-focused on the superficial aspects of a transition. These are things like roles, clothes, passing, pronouns, surgeries, makeup, hair and so on. Which of course are all important. And there is nothing wrong with spending time and energy engaging with those things.
But if that’s all were doing… and we haven’t taken the time to go deeper… then we might be missing out on the more substantial opportunities that this path has to offer.
Which are things like learning how to truthfully express yourself. And engage in honest, meaningful relationships, in a way that is totally transparent and open-hearted. And learning how to trust your intuition. And honor the gifts that you were born with.
This path is also an opportunity to explore your internal landscape of creative potential… and engage with the primal forces of masculine and feminine, in a way that liberates you from the limiting gender standards and expectations of a modern society.
So this tip is all about learning to how to engage with the deeper, more powerful, more meaningful aspects of a transition.
And forging the kind of connection with your gender exploration… that goes way beyond the superficial… I have to look a certain kind of way, perspective.
And instead of leaving the box of the mainstream… only to enter the box of being queer. Recognize this path as an opportunity… to go deeper. And to get to know yourself more intimately than ever before.
This means diving through that portal… which is your transition… and plunging into the deeper waters of creativity, spirituality, intuition, love and compassion.
So my suggestion with this tip is simple… just offer yourself to the path. And communicate to life, in a way that feels meaningful to you… that you are willing to go deeper. And that you want to learn more about yourself, and about love, and about truth. And that you are ready to take that next step.
And if you want to formalize that kind of commitment… then you might consider doing something like a ceremony or a ritual… or you can do a journal entry, or a mediation. Or you can engage with the earth… you can go into nature… you can call upon the elements, or the directions. You can speak your intention into a candle flame. Or into a glass of water.
The specifics don’t really matter. Just do something that gets you into the right space… and then formalizes that commitment. And if you can do that… and really take this seriously… life will respond. And it will present you with opportunities to do deeper.
Which of course… means that the next step in this process involves meeting your opportunities head on. And totally showing up to your life. Which is exactly what our next tip is about…
Tip Number Two - Show up Fully
And give this path your full attention. This means being present, and learning how to take each step with integrity and purpose. And instead of being wishy washy… or checking out, or numbing, or drowning in self pity… say yes, with everything you’ve got.
And continually turn towards this life, as opposed to away from it. Simply because you recognize that the only way to learn, and grow, and expand… is by meeting life. And fully engaging with the process. And that way, life will be able to work on you. And mold you into the person you’re supposed to be.
Which is a healing process that happens naturally, and organically… as soon as you decide to be here, rooted in your body, mindful of your breath, connected to your emotions, with an open heart… and then learning how to do that, all of the time.
And that’s the golden standard of a transition. Which of course takes years and years of consistent practice. So please keep in mind that this standard is not something to punish yourself with when you fall short. Instead… this is simply an orienting principle, which you can use to guide your efforts.
And if you can walk in that direction… then over time, you will start strengthening those muscles. And trusting more deeply. And learning what works and what doesn’t.
And stone by stone, you will uncover all those limiting beliefs, and unhealthy habits, and fearful projections… only to realize time and time again… That showing up, isn’t as scary as you think it is. And that challenges aren’t your enemies. And that painful emotions aren’t going to hurt you.
But the only way you can learn those things… is by making a commitment to going deeper… and then honoring that commitment by actually showing up, and doing the work… and gently, compassionately, lovingly holding yourself to the standard of being present, all the time.
And eventually… after enough practice… life will start revealing itself to you. And it will invite you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with your gender exploration.
But like I said, that only happens if you consistently show up, for an extended amount of time. So my suggestion with this tip is to simply start where you are. And lovingly feel that painful emotion today. And gently open your heart today. And compassionately embrace yourself today.
And the next time you want to turn away… and take the closest exit… choose to sink down even deeper into the heart of the situation.
And you allow for the raw, transformational power of each challenge to shape you into the person that you are meant to be.
Alright lets move on to Tip Number Three - Drop the Role, and Focus on YOU
Meaning, let go of the idea that you need to transition into something specific. Or that you need to somehow mold yourself into a person that checks all the boxes. And instead… just be who you are naturally.
Or in other words… forget about playing a role, and fitting in… and walk your own path. And recognize that the person you are transitioning into, isnt the result of strategy and cleverness. And it’s not something you need to convince others of. Instead, this is just you, learning how to be you. No games. No manipulation. Just truthful expression.
This means placing the emphasis of your transition on qualities such as acceptance, honesty, and self awareness. And cultivating virtues such as self compassion, forgiveness and integrity. And learning how to accept who you are, exactly as you are.
As opposed to placing the emphasis on a social role, that you need to fit inside. And then spending all your energy figuring out how to pass within that role.
Which is a distinction that might sound pretty obvious to a queer person… because most of us recognize the absurdity of changing who we are, just to fit inside a box. But you’d be surprised at all the subtle ways that this shape-shifting dynamic can creep up on us.
So these are the moments when we think things like… am I allowed to have this masculine hobby, now that I’m transitioning into a feminine role. Or getting insecure because we notice the difference between how we sound naturally… and how we think people within our gender role of choice are supposed to sound. Or maybe we think we need to hide something that is authentically us, just because it of how it reflects on the role we are participating in.
So these are all subtle ways of comparing who we are… to the role we think we are supposed to be. And the role we think we are supposed to be… is of course, nothing more than a hand-me-down, pre-molded box that comes from society, and culture and tradition.
So my suggestion with this tip, is to forget about transitioning from this role to that role… and focus all of your creative, passionate, transition-related energies… on becoming more and more authentically you. Regardless of what role that fits within.
This means getting intimate with your likes and dislikes. And doing the work to uncover, and correct all the subtle ways in which you have placed priority on the role… instead on your truth. And getting more comfortable standing on your own two feet. And looking to yourself first, before you think about participating in a role.
That way you can make the real transition… which nothing more than stepping more fulling into yourself. And transitioning into a more truthful, authentic, and harmonious way of being. Which is unique only to you. And can never be contained within a role.
And if you want to learn even more about engaging with the deeper opportunities that the queer path has to offer… then you should watch this video. Because in it… I share a powerful strategy that will help you to shift out of a superficial gender orientation, and into a deeper one. And that way… you will be able to engage more fully with the energy of transformation.
Okay my friend. I’ll see you soon