What is at the Heart of the Gender Debate?

In this post, my hope is that we can refocus and come back to the heart of the conversation. because no matter what side you are on… I think that all of us are asking our own version of a very simple, innocent question.


When I listen to the mainstream conversation about gender… I get the impression that most people are talking about what they feel to be… the truth of gender. Or at the very least… the truth, according to them.

At one end of the conversation is this perspective. And on the other end… is that perspective. And quite naturally… both sides feel that they are right.

Now, this is obviously a huge generalization… but as an outsider looking in… this is just what it feels like.

It feels like the conversation about gender is taking place within an atmosphere that is supercharged with an undercurrent of opposition.

Meaning… the feeling tone of the conversation is this side vs. that side. I'm right, your wrong. I have the truth… you don't.

Which is a dangerous foundation to stand on… because if we aren't careful… we can lose our footing… and get swept away into the drama of the conversation. And when that happens… we become so focused on being right… on winning the argument… that we lose sight of why we even joined the conversation in the first place.

So in this post… my hope… is that we can refocus and come back to the heart of the conversation. because no matter what side you are on… I think that all of us are asking our own version of a very simple, innocent question. And that question is…What does gender mean to me?

Right? Isn't that what we are all exploring within ourselves? You might phrase this question differently… but in general…what we are asking is…What is my relationship with gender? How do I use gender to express myself and to relate with others?


Which is an incredibly beautiful and sincere question to explore. So it's not surprising that people are so passionate and vocal about what they believe. Because this question touches upon the very foundation of our lives… and It highlights how we choose to show up in the world. So, of course… people are going to express what that means to them.

However… if you are truly committed to the path of exploring gender… then it's important to recognize… that this internal process…at its core… is not my side vs. your side.

This has nothing to do with right vs. wrong. Instead… this is an unfolding into deeper and more authentic ways of being.

And It's important to remain true…to this internal process… even when we are being faced with people who have a different relationship with gender.


Because as soon as we stop exploring… and start fighting… all of a sudden… gender becomes a war zone. What was once a landscape of creative potential… gets transformed into a battleground. Which is not what gender is about.

Gender is about expression. And freedom. And connection. And even if someone threatens to take that away… going to war about it isn't worth it.

Because at the end of the day… this isn't a territory to be conquered. and no matter how much you believe in your cause… there is never going to be a definitive, universal, absolute truth about gender. That goes against the very nature of gender and life itself.

So the next time you catch yourself going to war on behalf of the truth of gender… I invite you to ask yourself…


Are you contributing to more conflict… or are you exploring gender? Because the two are very different things. One path is me vs. you. The other is… I am exploring what it means to be me.


Yes… of course… there is a time and place to express your opinion about gender. And It's totally okay to stand up for what you believe in. But not if you are going to compromise the integrity of your exploration. That's too high of a price to pay. And if history has taught us anything… it's that when you go to war… nobody wins. But when you stand for peace… everyone has an opportunity to experience love.

Which means that if you truly want to resolve this conversation about gender… then you and I need to work towards a place… where we can look across the aisle… and see someone who is asking the same questions. Even if we disagree with the answers. That doesn't make a difference.

Because according to love…according to peace… according to the truth of gender. We are both on the same side, navigating the same creative landscape.

Even though we may have different relationships with and understandings of that landscape… it's still our common ground.


So don't stop bombs in your own backyard. Instead… let's remember why we joined this conversation in the first place. It's not to be right… it's because we are passionate about gender, and we are curious about what it has to offer us. And if we can stay connected to that inner exploration… then all of a sudden, gender transforms from the thing that stands in the way… to the thing that brings us together.

And if you are ready to begin cultivating a deeper and more meaningful relationship with gender… in a way that is specific to you… then I recommend watching my video… Stop Looking to Others for the Truth About Gender!


In it, I will reveal three simple tips… that will help you to establish an authentic and empowering connection with gender. I'll link to it in the description.

Alright… thats it for now. Lets Talk soon.