Should you transition? This is a big question. This is a life-changing decision. So you better get it right. Because if you mess this up… you could ruin everything. Right?
No, of course not! That's way too much pressure… and you should not talk to yourself like that. Because it's just going to keep you stuck. Instead… try one of these simple tips. They are easy to implement and will make your process a whole lot easier.
Tip Number 1: Stop Solving, and Start Exploring.
When it comes to making big decisions… It's important to realize that life is not a math problem… and if you keep trying to figure it out… by asking questions like should I or shouldn't I… you are going to burn yourself out.
Because you are asking questions that cant be definitively answered. There are simply too many unknown variables. And you can't control the future. Which means that there's no way of verifying if this decision is right for you.
Yes, of course, weigh the pros and cons. Yes, do the research. Yes, consider all the variables. But realize that making the decision to transition is like trying to solve an impossible question. The longer you stare at the problem…, the more overwhelming it becomes. And the harder you try to think about it… the more your brain hurts.
Trust me… I know. I've been there. So, when you get tired of thinking… just put the problem down. It's not going to go anywhere. And instead… try on a new perspective.
And that is…stop solving… and start exploring.
Exploring implies that you are on an adventure, and you don't know where it's leading you… but you are along for the ride. This means that you are letting go of your personal agenda, just enough… so that life can surprise you with the unexpected.
Because you aren't trying to go anywhere in particular. Instead… you are focused on making the most of what is right in front of you.
This perspective is night and day different from trying to solve the problem of… should I transition?
Because now… instead of being overly analytical and mind based… you are being spontaneous. Now… instead of trying to mitigate future risk… you are open to the adventure. Now instead of fearing the unknown… you are curious about what life has in store.
And if you make the decision to be an explorer, instead of a solver… all of a sudden… you realize that the true adventure… is walking the path that life has placed in front of you, regardless of where it leads.
This way… the adventure of you… can unfold right in front of your eyes. And all you have to do… is keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Which happens to be Tip Number 2: One Step at a Time.
If you want to cross a bridge… you have to take each and every step along the way. This means that in order to get to that place… where the transition is or isn't happening… all you have to do, is keep walking.
And when you get distracted by daydreams about what it would feel like to reach the other side. Just remind yourself that the only way to get there… is by taking the step that is right in front of you.
I know it seems like life is about making big decisions. But that's not really how it goes. Life is actually a series of micro decisions. Or seemingly insignificant moments… that determine the trajectory of your entire life.
So instead of ruminating and getting overwhelmed by this big, life-changing decision that is somewhere in the future. Make today's life-changing decision.
This means… instead of discovering who you are in the future… discover who you are … today, at this moment.
And don't let your idea of who you are becoming keep you from who you are right now. Even if you don't like who you are right now. That's all the more reason to be present with the step that's right in front of you.
Because in reality… your exploration is happening right here, right now. Which means that your transition is already in progress. Whether that's a literal or metaphorical.
The bottom line… is that you are exploring what it means to be you. Which is transitioning you into a more authentic way of being.
And you'd be surprised at how much can change over time… just by making micro-adjustments every single day.
Because when you shift your emphasis from making huge decisions that are in the future… to making small decisions that are right now… you change your life… day after day. Which teaches you, over and over… that you can make the right choice. You can do hard things. You can make life-changing decisions.
And it starts today. It starts by making your bed. Or forgiving your friend. Or being vulnerable. Or standing up for yourself. Or wearing those pink socks. Whatever it happens to be for you.
So my suggestion is to ask yourself… what is the life-changing decision that I can make today? and before you know it… after you've gotten in the habit of taking one step after the other… the decision to transition or not… will be that next step. And you will know what to do.
Okay, Tip Number 3… Relax, and Let the Answer Come to You
You've asked the question. You did your research. You weighed the pros and cons. what else can you do? Nothing. You've done your job. The question is out there. Your submission has been received. And now, it's time to take a step back… and allow for life to guide you to the answer.
This is a subtle yet incredibly important part of the question/answer dynamic. So, in most cases…what happens is…someone has a question… and then they assume that their job is to solve it, or find it, or fix it. The bigger the question… the more important their job is, and the harder they need to work for it.
But what these people don't realize… is that the harder they look and try and think… the farther away from the answer they get.
So, a great example of how this works is the creative process.
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten in the way of my own creativity. It's like I get this idea in my head… that I need to do all the work. And then I get totally involved, and I'm thinking and trying… and I'm making things difficult, and it's becoming really important and really stressful. And my blood pressure is rising… and my mind is trying its hardest.
And then I remember… oops… I'm getting in my own way again.
So I take a step back… and relax… and just allow for the creative process to happen naturally and organically… and then, all of a sudden… Answers, Ideas, and creative solutions just start flowing through me.
And in these moments, all I can do is just laugh at myself for thinking that everything is up to me. And that I have to be in control, and I have to figure it all out. When in reality… that is so far from the truth.
And This is such a human thing to do.
We search… without realizing that our searching is keeping us from the very thing that we are trying to find.
I know It sounds backwards… but that's how life works. Just think about how many times you have found what you looking for, only after you stopped looking. Or maybe you got distracted for just long enough… that a gap opened up, and an answer was able to squeeze itself into your consciousness.
This is why so many people get inspiration in the shower. Or when they are half asleep. Because these are moments when they are open and relaxed enough… that now… inspiration can present itself.
So when it comes to asking questions… big or small…remember, that the answers come to you, not the other way around.
You don't ever discover the answer. Instead… the answer reveals itself. Or it drops out of the sky. Or enters your heart. However you want to describe it.
The bottom line is that… it's not your job to figure it out. It's your job to prepare yourself to receive the answer.
That means do the research… weigh the pros and cons… and then get on with life. And instead of searching… go deeper into the question. And instead of treating it as a problem…Connect to it. Feed it with love and trust. Practice introspection and cultivate an environment of receptivity
And if you do this… you will become so intimate with the question…and so connected to your personal path… that an answer will land in your lap.
In the form of a coincidence. Or a stranger. Or an insight. Or an intuitive knowing. And when that happens… you will know that it's an answer you can trust. Because you will realize that that the answer came to you. It searched you out, knocked on your door… and presented itself.
If you are able to make these small changes to your inquiry about transitioning… then you will know what to do… at the exact moment that it needs to be done. And if you are curious to learn more about how life works… about how life expresses itself, and how you can use gender as a vehicle for exploring the deeper, more expansive opportunities life has to offer.
Then you should join my workshop, remapping gender. It is a nature-based perspective about gender… which will help you navigate your transition from a more natural and empowered orientation. It's totally free. I'll put a link in the description.
Alright… that's it for now… let's talk soon.