Your transition is NOT about gender. Well.. okay, yes it is about gender. But is that really the main point? Do you know what I mean? Like at the very core of this process, is a transition really all about gender?
Or is it possible that transitioning is just an outward, superficial manifestation of a much deeper process… which completely transcends something as trivial as clothes and pronouns and roles?
Well, if you ask me, I would say that no… gender is not the main point. And in this conversation I’m going to give you two processes which are are happening underneath your transition, and in my opinion… are far more valuable to you than gender.
Number One: Authentic Creative Expression
Or in other words… learning how to live, love and express as yourself. Which is a non-specific, universal, primal process which is working on you… and is inspiring you to move towards a more authentic, and truthful way of life.
And whether you recognize it or not… this process of self discovery, which is operating underneath the surface… is the mechanism which is giving rise to your gender related decisions.
So while yes, the decisions themselves are manifesting in the form of gender… still, the underlying process which is inspiring your actions… actually has nothing to do with gender.
Because this is simply you discovering what it means to be you truthfully you right? So when you make the decision to explore gender… really all you are doing, is recognizing that the version of gender which has been presented by your family and society… is not you.
And in response to being shown that which is not you… the only appropriate response, is of course… to explore. And to find the things that feel like you. But again… gender is not the headline in this scenario. Self discovery is. Authentic creative expression. You discovering what it means to be naturally, organically you. And it just so happens… that for you, that process of self self discovery is leading you directly though gender.
So really… a transition is more like a vehicle which you are using to go deeper into yourself. And even though it might seem like your entire world is revolving around gender. And that the main point of this thing is roles and clothes and pronouns… well, its simply not.
Because like I said… the real path, which has been disguised as gender… is actually about discovering what it means to live, love and express in a way that is truthfully, naturally you.
And the reason that this is such an important distinction to make… of recognizing that gender is a vehicle for self realization… is because it helps you to back off the thing. And to loosen your grip on the specifics of your gender exploration. And instead of hyper focusing on what you look like, and polishing your presentation, and obsessing over your progress… instead, you can zoom out and connect to the things that make you feel more fully you.
Which leads us to the second process which is happening underneath your transition: Walking Towards Wholeness
So underneath the decision to explore gender… whats really happening, is that we are acting on a desire to feel whole. and to feel complete. Or in other words… we explore gender, in order to gain access to all of ourselves. And what we want… even more than gender congruence and social acceptance… is to feel a sense of embodied, integrated togetherness.
Which is a quality that is related to authentic creative expression… but it has a slightly different connotation. Because instead of letting go of the things that are keeping you from being you, which is what we talked about in the previous section… in the context of wholeness, you are saying yes to all of yourself. And you are learning how to tenderly embrace all of the scary, dark, weird, seemingly unnatural parts of yourself.
Or in other words… you are living your life from an open-hearted orientation which is kind, gentle and supportive of all of yourself. And instead of pushing parts of yourself away… and denying who you are. Instead, you are calling those parts closer. And you are shining the light of acceptance on them. And you are teaching yourself what it feels like to be unconditionally loved.
And the key to all of this… is of course, self compassion. Which is your capacity to hold your pain. And to love your darkness. And to embrace your trauma. And the reason that I’m suggesting that your transition is all about walking the path of wholeness and self compassion… is because when you transition… you are quite literally saying yes to who you are. And you are inviting all of the gender related parts of yourself back into the light.
And instead of denying your truth… you are bringing it closer. And you are reaffirming your love for yourself by creating a warm, compassionate space which is open and accepting of everything that is you.
So when you say yes to a transition… really, you are saying is yes to yourself. And you are giving yourself permission to be who you are.
Which like I said, is an act of self compassion, which arises out of a desire to feel whole. And even though that decision is taking the form of gender… underneath the surface, is a great love of yourself.
And a recognition that it’s okay to be who you are. And that there is enough room in this world for you. And that you don’t need to hide the unique, non traditional parts of yourself.
And the reason that this is so important to realize… is because when you become aware of, and connected to your love for yourself and your sincere desire to feel whole… it creates an entirely different atmosphere for your gender exploration. And it helps to connect you to what this journey is all about. Loving yourself. Trusting yourself. Holding yourself.
And if you can stay grounded in an understanding that what you are doing is an act of incredible love… then you can accomplish anything. And you can stay true to yourself in even the most challenging situations.
And if want to learn more about what it takes to have a successful gender exploration… then you should watch this video, and ill share with you the three most important virtues that you need to focus on in order to make the most of this path.