Are you totally, one hundred percent, with all of your being… committed to transitioning? Thats what we are talking about today. Can you say with absolute certainty, that yes, you are on board… and that this is happening.
Well… if you are anything like I was… then no, you probably aren’t at a one hundred percent yes. At least not yet. Because this is a big decision, which involves a lot of introspection, emotional processing and mental clarity.
So a more realistic perspective would be… yeah, I think so. This feels really good. And I want it to be right for me… but at the same time… if I’m being totally honest… I also have some reservations. Because in addition to all the positive feelings of hope, expansion and inspiration… I am also feeling things like fear, doubt and anxiety.
So if you can relate… and you are currently navigating the incredibly intimate and nuanced process of committing to transition?… then this blog is for you.
Because in it, I am going to share with you a simple strategy that will help you to gently ease into a more fully embodied, and enthusiastic yes, this is for me.
Okay lets get into it…
And before I share the strategy… first, I want to introduce you to a metaphor, that I feel is a great representation of this process… the process of committing more fully to a transition.
And the image that I am going to use for this metaphor is that of a scale. Not a digital scale… but an old school, apothecary scale. This is the one that see saws back and forth depending on which side is heavier. And of course, if the two sides are balanced, or equal in weight… then both buckets sit at the exact same height.
So this limbo space… of teetering back and forth between feeling totally on board, and committed to your transition… and then tilting to the other side… and feeling reservation and skepticism about it...
This is what i’m referring to by using this metaphor. That internal barometer which is shifting back and forth between feeling totally committed, and then not so much.
And instead of using a yes, or a no, that is specific to your transition, to represent the two sides… I want you to think of this more as a positive feeling space… that represents hope, possibility and expansion… and then on the other side is a negative feeling space… that represents fear, anxiety and constriction.
And quite naturally… the two sides are counteracting each other. And depending on which side has more weight… then you are either feeling totally committed and on board with the process of a transition… or you are feeling skeptical and nervous.
And your goal… according to this metaphor… is to shift this scale… and find a way to live on the side that represents commitment, and excitement… more and more of the time.
Okay, so thats the metaphor… now lets start talking about what we can do, in order to tip the scales… and get into this good feeling space, more of the time.
And the first thing that I want to mention… is that it’s important to recognize that it’s okay to have weight on the side that represents a negative feeling space. It’s okay to have fears, and doubts and anxieties. In fact, I would say this is a normal and even necessary part of the process.
And the reason this is important to recognize, is because it’s so easy to assume that just because you are having doubts and fears… that it somehow takes away from your intuitive sense of what is right for you. In other words… you might assume that in move forward with your transition, and totally commit to the process… that you aren’t allowed to have any fears.
Which simply isnt true. Not according to this metaphor… and not according to real life. Because if you’ve ever used one of these scales… then you understand that the only thing that needs to happen…in order to have a tipped scale… is that there needs to be more weight on one side than the other.
Just think about all those times you said yes to something, even though it scared you. In those moments… you had just a fraction more courage than fear.
It’s not like you had zero fear. Thats not very realistic. Which means that instead of waiting for a moment in the future when there is nothing holding you back… the key to do scary things…. and to committing to something that activates a lot of self doubt… Is to work towards a point where your courage outweighs your fear.
In other words… this isnt about banishing your fear. Or conquering your deamons. Instead this is about… tipping your internal scale in the direction of hope, and expansion…. More and more of the time. And working to fill your life with things that bring you alive… and activate those good feeling places inside you.
And when you decide to work with this metaphor of a scale… then all of a sudden… the emphasis of your relationship with a transition, shifts away from fighting against fear… and second guessing yourself, just because you are having doubts… and towards a different approach… which is to feed, nurture and connect with that good feeling space… of expansion, love and truth.
Because now… you recognize that in order to get to that place… where you feel totally committed to a transition… all you need… is enough of a yes… to outweigh the no. And once you get that point… then your job becomes figuring out how to be in that space more and more of the time.
Which brings us to our strategy…
But before we move on…I want to mention that this blog is apart of the transition with grace playlist, which I created specifically for people who are interested in holistic strategies and perspectives about the transgender experience. So if you are ready to cultivate a healthier and more balanced relationship with your transition… then I suggest that you check out the other blogs in this playlist.
Okay moving on to the strategy. So the first thing to do… is simply start paying attention to your scale. Get in the habit of connecting to that internal barometer… which is shifting back and forth between a positive feeling space and a negative feeling space.
This means paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations… and making a mental note of which side of the scale they are on. That way, you can start getting real time feedback from the experiences you are having, the conversations you are participating in, the content you are consuming, the people you are interacting with, and so on. And then you can start making associations between the external experiences… and how they impact that internal scale.
And the point of this, is to just become familiar with the content of the two sides of the scale. This is because before you can make any changes… the first thing that needs to happen… is you need a better idea about what is going on. You need to be able to recognize those things that are specific to you… which are influencing your scale.
So for example… if you notice that watching a certain piece of content, or spending too much time on social media… is causing your scales to tip into that constricted space… where your fear is outweighing your hope.
Then now… you have made a real time observation… that is linked to a specific activity… which is negatively influencing you, and keeping you from more fully committing to your transition.
And the same goes for noticing that which positively impacts you… if you can notice the people in your life, and the certain qualities of conversations that you are having you… that cause you to feel hopeful and positive… then now, you have the power to make any appropriate changes.
And over time… what you want to do… is to gently start shifting the emphasis of your life, and all the different things that are accosted with your transition… into that good feeling space.
See if you can start aligning yourself with better influences, and consuming more uplifting content. See if you can start inviting those positive, expansive parts of yourself into your daily interactions. See if you can start searching out opportunities that cultivate and strengthen your relationship with that positive feeling space, and everything that goes along with it.
And it’s important to recognize that the point of this isnt to deny negativity, ignore reality, or shut out the things you don’t want to face. Instead… this is simply because you are looking for opportunities to feed that which feels good. In other words… you are using your agency and your creativity to design a life that is focused more primarily on things that are hopeful and optimistic. And that way… you can start tipping that internal scale… towards a side that puts you in a position to succeed.
And then when you come across things that you can’t control… which are negatively impacting you… maybe like a family situation, or a home situation… then your job is see if you can form a new relationship with that thing.
Is there a way where you can reposition yourself, or try on a new perspective, like acceptance… or is there a way to create a healthier dynamic with that specific thing… so that it doesn’t weigh you down quite so heavily.
And if you are ready to take this process self discovery to the next level… and really get to the heart of your transition… then you are invited to join my workshop… Remapping Gender
Because in it I am going introduce you to a world view… or a guiding narrative, that supports, empowers and clarifies the the transgender experience.
That way… you will be able to start cultivating a relationship with gender, that not only activates… but brings forth all those incredible, beautiful, positive parts of yourself…. which are waiting to enter this world. Its totally free… its really powerful… and I cant wait for you to join me.
Alright thats all I’ve got in this one. Let’s talk soon.