One of the challenging situations that I’ve ever been in… is when I was feeling so much fear on a daily basis, that I literally couldn’t function. And even though I had a deep desire to live a more authentic and creative life… I couldn’t do anything about it, because I was stuck in a claustrophobic, and anxious state of mind.
And in this conversation… I’m going to share with you a simple strategy that will help you to first, neutralize, and balance out the energy of fear… and then second, begin engaging with a path that is leading you out of the darkness… and into that expansive, good feeling place which is calling you name.
But before we talk about the strategy…first, let’s take a step back and clarify how and why fear keeps us from being a more truthful version of ourselves.
So when I say… how to keep fear from controlling your transition… or your gender exploration… or your creative unfolding… what I’m referring to is a situation where the fearful mind has overpowered your desire for growth.
And instead of taking steps in a direction that feels positive, and fun and hopeful… you spend your time ruminating on all the things that could go wrong. And you are compulsively fixating on problems, instead of solutions.
And even though you want to transition, or explore gender, or express your creativity… you don’t. Or more accurately, you can’t. Because the mind won’t let you. And the fear is too strong. And the potential for disaster is all too real.
And instead of listening to your heart, to your gut, and to the earth… and giving in to the natural, intuitive promptings which are guiding you towards expansion, wholeness and authenticity. You are consumed by negative, constricted thought patterns. Which are pulling you out of the body, and into the mind. And trapping you in a mental state which feels small, agitated and fearful.
So in general… this what i’m referencing when I ask… is fear controlling your gender exploration? Or I could also ask… are you holding yourself back from expressing yourself in a certain way? Or dressing in a certain way. Or making a major life decision. Or any other situation that puts you in a vulnerable, unprotected, position.
And are you feeling unsure about how to mitigate the overwhelming amount of fear that is associated with your sincere desire to grow?
Which as you already know… is quite the predicament to be in. Because on one hand… you don’t want to feel pain. And you don’t want to fail. And you don’t want to be rejected.
And yet, at the same time… you feel an incredible desire… kind of like an evolutionary impulse, that is pulling you in a direction which scares the shit out of you. Right? Welcome to being human.
So the first helpful thing to recognize is that holding yourself back, and feeling a strong dose of fear… is not a flaw, or a weakness, or something to be ashamed of. Instead, this is simply a natural part of the human experience. And it’s something that everyone has to deal with.
So when find yourself in a situation where your fear of what could go wrong is outweighing your hope for a better future… then congratulations. Your primal self-preserving, danger-avoiding, mechanism is working. And it’s fulfilling an incredibly important role in your life. Right?
I mean, could you imagine a world without fear? And all the ridiculous things that would happen. Like, my god… we wouldn’t even stand a chance. And it would only be a matter of time until we all got too close to the edge. Because we wouldn’t have the value of that perspective which urges us to think things through. And to plan ahead. And to mitigate risk.
So instead of treating fear like a problem… my suggestion is to see fear as a healthy, and normal part of your life. Or in other words… learn how to work with fear… as opposed to fighting against it. Which is exactly what our strategy is all about.
So this is a two part strategy, and it’s is called… Embrace Fear and Choose Love
So for the first part of this strategy… my suggestion is to simply embrace the fear. And give it permission to exist. And recognize that it is a totally normal and natural part of life.
And instead of tensing when you feel fear… and pushing back against fearful thoughts… see if you can let go of that resistance, and greet these parts of yourself with an open, compassionate heart.
So when you feel fear arise… just say, hey fear. It’s nice to see you again. Thank you for visiting me, and for communicating to me… and for expressing yourself to me. I am grateful for the value that you provide me, I acknowledge your unique perspective, and I honor your right to exist.
And I give you permission to be here, on the inside…. with me. Because I realize that you’re not an enemy. But instead… you are a friend, who belongs. And even though you challenge me, I recognize that you are a unique, and valuable part of the human experience.
So this is a response to fear that is obviously easier said than done. So keep in mind that I’m simply offering you a benchmark, or something to work towards. Kind of like a trajectory that is helping to guide your efforts.
And if you can start opening your heart to fear… and compassionately allowing for it to be apart of your life… what you will notice is that the unbearable, over-the-top, paralyzing quality of fear will start to diffuse. Kind of like letting the steam out of a pressure cooker.
Why? Because you are no longer fighting back. And you are no longer feeding fear in the form of your resistance. But instead… you are neutralizing that charged atmosphere by softening your stance. And dropping your walls.
Which is the complete opposite of the compulsive knee-jerk reaction that says… Fear is bad and I need to protect myself. And instead of opening… I close. And instead of softening, I tense. Which like I said… is a totally rational, and appropriate response to feeling an unpleasant sensation.
But as you’ve probably already learned… fighting back against fear doesn’t actually work, does it? And hiding from fear, doesn’t make it go away.
Instead, it just makes things worse. And it compounds an already charged atmosphere to the point where the sheer magnitude of the situation… paralyzes us. And traps us in our comfort zone. And in those moments… we understand what it means to be controlled by fear.
But not anymore… right? because from now on, you are going to get excited whenever fear enters your life. Because you recognize this as an opportunity to practice a new way of relating to fear. And you are excited to mend your relationship with fear. Right? Well, maybe not excited… but hopefully, you’re at least curious enough, to try something new.
So my suggestion with this part of the strategy is to just experiment. And to approach this process with a light-hearted, playful, easy-going mindset. Because after all, being overly-serious, and super intense… is fears job. And in my experience, being playful about the process, is a great way to balance out fears’ perspective.
Okay, so that was part one of the strategy… and now move onto part two. Choose Love
So like I said, one of the main benefits of embracing fear… is that it invites balance and perspective into your life. And now, instead of being totally consumed by fear… to the point where you can’t see anything else. All you have to do is recognize that fear is only one perspective.
Yes, it’s a very loud, and obnoxious perspective… but it’s only one voice in the choir. And as soon as you stop fixating on that one single voice… and feeding it with your resistant energy… to the point that it drowns out everyone else… then all of a sudden, you are free to listen to and engage with all the other perspectives that life has to offer.
And now, in addition to fear… you also have access to hope, and trust, and wisdom. And you have an entire spectrum of emotions, and intuitive promptings, and spiritual guidance… each of which, are communicating a unique perspective to you. And helping you to form a more well-rounded, and balanced approach to your life.
So if you are able to step back… and look at your situation from a more inclusive and holistic vantage point… the all of a sudden… you will have access to an entire arsenal of guidance. And you will invite a sense of spaciousness into your life, that will help you to respond to each situation from a more empowered orientation.
So my suggestion with this part of the strategy is to cultivate an inner environment that is totally inclusive and accepting of all the perspectives that life has to offer. And see if you can give each voice a seat at the table. That way… you will be able to approach each situation, from a space of balance and wholeness.
And then from that space… choose the thing that feels most true to you. Which in this conversation, I am calling love. Meaning, that open-hearted, trusting, compassionate, warm, feeling space…. Which is full of opportunity, and possibility.
And it recognizes that you are here to learn, and to grow, and to heal. And that there is more than enough room in this world for you to be yourself. And that choosing yourself, and honoring your intuitive wisdom is an act of incredible courage. Regardless of what the decision looks like to other people.
So see if you can get quiet, and tune into that spacious, inviting frequency, which is available to you in each and every moment… regardless of what you believe, or what you feel, or what you have or haven’t done.
And see if you can intuitively sense you way into that feeling space, or into that communion with love. And see if you are able to start forming a stronger relationship with that perspective.
That way… you will be able to start making more and more decisions, that arise out of the open-hearted, inclusive, accepting part of yourself. Which is guiding you in the direction of healing, wholeness and integrity.
And if you start using that perspective as a guiding light for your gender exploration… then my sense is that fear is going to start becoming less and less relevant to you.
And if you want to learn even more about cultivating an open-hearted and inclusive way of life, then you should watch this video. Because in it, I share a simple strategy that will help you shift away from the pushing back mentality… and towards compassionately embracing the reality of your life.
Okay my friend, thats all ive got. Thanks for sticking with me to the end. Ill talk to you soon