It’s no secret that the coming out experience is a major milestone in the queer journey. And that there is a quite clearly a before and after coming out. And while yes… this is a moment of total liberation, and triumph for the queer person… something that I learned first hand… is that this phase of being freshly out, can also be incredibly challenging.
Especially if we aren’t aware of the deeper patterns and tendencies that are influencing this chapter of the journey.
So in this conversation I want to first… prepare you for what to expect in the postpartum phase… and then also give you a strategy for not only meeting the challenge head on… but also aligning with an authentic path forward.
But before we get into the strategy… first lets briefly talk about the postpartum phase. What is it, and how is does it influence us?
And the reason that I’m taking the time to articulate this process, and to reflect it back to you… is because I just want to highlight how much you have invested into this moment. And how many different forces are at play, underneath the surface. All of which are going to be subtly influencing you, and pulling at energy.
And I also want to highlight the fact that this storyline of coming out of the closet… has been slowly building, for months or even years… up to this moment of climax. This tipping point. This resolution. Where you finally rip off the bandaid… and you come out.
So when that moment finally comes… and you cross that threshold. Thats the brief moment in time which I am referencing when I say the postpartum phase.
This is the gap in-between stories… when all of the anticipation and adrenalin and pressure of the old story evaporates, and leaves us feeling totally exposed, within a deflated environment.
Because all of that momentum and pressure which was driving the old story, is dissipating, right?
So in that moment…the question is, now what? How do we be this new person? And how do we fill this uncomfortable void within our storyline that has opened up virtually overnight?
Well, thats what our strategy is all about. Engaging with this turning of the pages in a way that helps to one… fully close that door… and then two identify a new door to walk through.
Okay let’s get into the strategy, which I am going to call Pause and be Quite
Or in other words… take a step back, be here, and immerse yourself into the void that has just opened up. And instead of riding off into the sunset… my suggestion is to sink into this moment of transition, and be fully present for the turning of pages.
And the reason that pausing, and opening into quietude is so important for you in this moment… is because like I said, this is a new chapter, being lived by a you that hasn’t existed until now. And what you don’t want to happen… is to blindly follow the thread of the old narrative… which was being spun by a version of you who has never even been out of the closet.
And instead… I want you to recognize this moment for what it is. A blank page. A fresh start. A new canvas.
Or in other words… the true opportunity here, is to be in-between stories. And to revel in the fact that you don’t need to have anything figured out right now. You don’t need a game plan and you don’t need a strategy.
But of course… the tendency in this moment… is to rush off. To solve the puzzle, and to fill the void. And instead of feeling the uncomfortable pause… we get busy living out the fantasy of our closeted selves. Which is great, if thats how it happens for you.
But in my experience… that’s not what this moment is calling for. So instead of jumping the gun… my suggestion with this strategy is to allow for what comes next, to be revealed to you. And to read that new chapter, with fresh eyes. And to sink into the space that comes in between stories. Because this moment is way too special to impose an answer onto it.
And if you really want to learn about this new version of yourself is all about… then you are going to need to be spacious, curious, and quite enough… for that person to come forth and to start interacting with this world, without holding them to the standard of an outdated narrative.
So my sense is… if you can draw that person out of you… and create a warm and inviting environment for them… where there is no pressure to be anything in particular… you are going to experience an unfolding, or a blossoming that is infinitely more rewarding than anything the closeted version of you ever could have dreamed of.
And now… you get to discover in real time, what it actually means to be the you who stepped outside of the closet. But the only way for that to happen… is like I said, if you pause, and relax into the insecurity and the uncertainty of being in-between stories. And if you turn inward just enough so that you can hear the subtle movements of your being… which are happening underneath the surface.
And that way… your new trajectory will emerge naturally and organically. And intuitively, you will take the next step of your journey in a way that only this new version of yourself knows how.
And now that you are prepared to navigate the postpartum gap… its time to learn about how to make the most of gender, sexual, romantic, or creative exploration. So watch this video, and ill share some of my best tips about doing just that.