Key #1 - Autonomy
Autonomy is the quality of self-governing moral independence. Or said another way… developing the capacity to think for yourself and act according to your personal moral compass.
And if you want to have a successful transition… and come out of this process empowered, connected and self aware… then autonomy is your key to getting there.
This is because the queer path, at its very core… is all about exploring your individual landscape of creative expression. And then learning how to honor and embody the discoveries that you’ve made along the way.
And autonomy reminds you… that this process is happening exclusively within yourself.
And the more deeply, and authentically you can connect to the truth of who you are… and the more established that you become in your individual way of being… the more that you will recognize the importance of living for yourself. And making decisions that arise out of that autonomous, self governing orientation.
Even if that means walking away from unhealthy relationships, exposing yourself to ridicule, or totally rearranging your life. Because in those moments… when you are faced with the decision of honoring your truth… or not.
You will recognize that saying yes to who you are… is actually the most loving, compassionate, and courageous decision that you could ever make.
And autonomy… is the perspective that reminds you to make that decision, over and over again. And continually turn towards yourself, and connect with the quiet, truthful place inside you. And that, is why autonomy is so important for the trans person.
Because autonomy grounds you into a perspective that distances you from the endless stream of opinions and trends and belief systems that this world has to offer.
And it creates an inner atmosphere that reassures you of your purpose. Which is to walk your path, and live your life. And to do it in a way that only you know how.
And the only way that happens… is by learning how to think, and speak, and act in a way that honors the truth of your heart. That way… you will be able to stand on your own two feet, and engage with life, while remaining grounded in your personal truth.
So my invitation to you… is to start getting to know yourself on a deeper, and more intimate level.
This means being present with yourself… all of the time. And instead of judging what you see… learning how to simply observe, without attaching a narrative.
This also means feeling your feelings, connecting to your creativity and learning how to express yourself. And in general… getting in the habit of defaulting to yourself first, before looking to someone else.
But of course… along the way… as you continue walking into yourself… you are going to need a strong connection to your heart.
Which is what our next key is about...
Key #2 is Self Compassion
Self compassion is the capacity to tenderly embrace all of ones’ self. This means keeping an open heart, even, and especially when you are being faced with your own shortcomings… and then learning how to hold yourself within an atmosphere of warmth, kindness and acceptance.
Which is a crucial, and life-saving skill for all queer people.
Because cultivating self compassion is like creating a safe harbor within yourself. Or an atmosphere of non-judgement that can hold space for your journey of self discovery.
Which is a journey that by its’ very nature, is going to bring you face to face with all the dark, scary, broken, twisted, confused, ugly parts of yourself. And the key to meeting these challenging parts… is of course, self compassion.
Because self compassion unconditionally says, it’s okay for you to be here.
Whether thats to an emotion, or a thought, or a desire, or a past mistake. Self compassion looks directly at that thing, and says… it’s okay. Here, let me give you a hug.
Let me show you the kindness and respect that you deserve… and let me hold you in this space, until you remember what it feels like to be unconditionally loved.
Which like I said, is a life-changing habit to get in to. Especially for the queer person. Because so much of this path is about opening, and softening, and embracing all of ourselves. Even, and especially, the parts of ourself that we don’t see eye to eye with.
So the next time you catch yourself tensing, and turning away from an emotion, or a thought… my invitation to you… is to soften, and turn towards it. And to greet that part of yourself with an open, compassionate heart.
And see if you can feel your way into a space where it’s unconditionally okay for you to be human. And for you to make mistakes, and to explore who you are.
Not because compassion is a means to an end… or a way of fixing yourself. But because you recognize that underneath all that pain, is a person who is inherently worthy and deserving of kindness, respect and love.
And if you can get in the habit of greeting all of yourself, no matter what comes up… with compassion… you will be well on your way to a successful life, exploration, and transition.
Which brings us to Key #3
But first… if, you are resonating with this content… then you should consider joining my email crash course… Rediscover Your Love for Gender in Six Steps. Because in it, I will share with you six transformational perspectives that will help you to reconnect to that primal passion and love that you have for gender.
Okay, Key #3 is Grounding
Grounding is the feeling of having both feet planted firmly on the ground. It’s that earthy, calm, stable place within us that invites us to relax and breath and focus on what’s most important.
And the reason that grounding is so important for a trans person… is because of how destabilizing this journey can be. Especially for those of us who make the decision to transition.
Because now… on top of trying to be a healthy human being… which is already challenging enough… you are voluntarily upending your life and putting yourself through incredible physical, social, relational, mental and emotional changes. Which quite naturally… is totally disorienting.
But, if you are able to stay relatively grounded throughout that process… then you will feel a whole lot more comfortable and resourceful… even as you experience drastic changes. Because grounding helps you to stay connected to the body… and it invites a sense of familiarity, or rootedness into your being.
Which of course, helps to calm the mind and stabilize the nervous system.
And the more consistently that you can feel grounded, and connected… the better equipped you will be to navigate your transition.
So my invitation to you is to start incorporating more grounding habits and activities into your daily life. And see if you can start developing a stronger relationship with that feeling of stability, relaxation and clarity.
That way… you will start feeling more rooted and established in your life. Even as you go though changes. And if you need some ideas… about how to go about that… I’ve got a quick list for you.
Okay… we’ve got, walking barefoot, spending time in nature, laying in the grass, hugging trees, eating a clean diet, taking baths, keeping a tidy home, organization, mindfullness, meditation, yoga, consistency, systems, routines, boundaries, healthy communication and self care… all of these practices will have a grounding, stabilizing effect in your life.
So choose a couple… or come up with your own… and see if you can make feeling grounded more of a priority in your life.
And if you want more information about how to shift away from an overly mental perception of gender… and into a more balanced, grounded, and embodied relationship with gender… then you should watch my video titled… stop trying to understand gender.
Because in it… I will share with you a powerful strategy that will help you start engaging more fully and authentically with the truth, or the essence of gender… in a way that is simple and easy to implement.
Okay my friend, that’s all I’ve got in this one.
Let’s talk soon